


The Wind Is Always Howlin'

by hariboo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Jossed Plotlines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 01:29:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2489429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hariboo/pseuds/hariboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Earth lessons are different from Ark lessons, but Raven picks up things quickly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wind Is Always Howlin'

**Author's Note:**

> this ended up being a mostly snippety canon compliant character piece that I wanted to toss out into the void before s2 aired. Raven at Mt. W has already been jossed, but when I started this it hadn’t been so let’s live back in that world for a second. I hope somehow me slapping all this together somehow makes sense, if not, well, it is what it is.
> 
> super big thanks to Jordan and Jaz, who looked over this and cheerleaded me this week.

Everything is a hand me down on the Ark. Hand me downs for almost three generations. Nothing is new, only repurposed. There’s a finite amount of everything and everyone shares. Wait, that’s not really the right word. Everyone _rations._

It’s not equal though.

Hardly anything is ever equal.

Raven learns this young.

\- 

When she’s little she lives with her mama. It’s only the two of them so they share a small room with bunks in Mecha Station that her mama fills up with all sorts of little things. Most of them useless, some of them Raven plays with. Avó calls mama a pack rat, laughing loudly as she takes Raven’s hand for the night because her mama is gonna be gone until way after Raven falls asleep. 

Avó now watches over all of the kids in Mecha whose parents can’t be with them at all times. This isn’t what Avó really does, too. It’s just what she does _now_. Avó also isn’t her real name, but everyone calls her that. She’s also not really Raven’s avó, she doesn’t think. (She never does ask.) Avó is old, one of the oldest people in the Ark. Raven asks her once how old she is. Avó _hmms,_ laughs, and tells her in her deep, accented voice that she was one of the first babies born after the 12 stations came together. Raven tells her that’s really old. Avó laughs, loud, and shows Raven the right screwdriver to use for the electrical panel. Avó is also one of the best mechanic on the Ark, even as old as she is. She’s not supposed to work anymore, her hands shake and she has to rub oils on her fingers, but every mechanic still asks for her help. 

Raven decides early on she wants to be like Avó when she grows up: the best.

She tells her mama this one night when mama comes home early from work. Her eyes look tired and as much as Raven wants to be picked up and cuddled she can tell her mama won’t want to be touched. Not tonight. They live on Mecha Station but her mama isn't an engineer or mechanic. She once heard Nigel call her public relations, whatever that means. (She learns later what Nigel meant, she doesn’t like Nigel much after that.)

Her mama looks at Avó and sighs. “Avó, every time? Look how dirty her hands are. ”

Avó shakes her head, taking Raven’s hands and kissing them, grime and all. She was playing with a radio, fixing it under Avó guiding words, and yes, her hands are dirty. She wants to pull them away from Avó’s lips - a little dry but always kiss her sweetly - and tuck them into her tiny pockets. Mama hates when Raven gets messy crawling around Mecha's underbelly, following Avó and fixing things they find on the way. 

“She’s a good at it. And more than that, she’s smart, minha filha. Nosse pequeno pássaro is a clever one.” She grins down at Raven. Sometimes Raven thinks she has Avó’s smile. Sometimes she thinks she has her mama’s smile. She wants to have both. 

“Mama,” Raven says, tired, because she’s heard them have this fight before, “Me gusta! It’s fun!”

Her mama sighs, reaching to take Raven’s hand, and pulls her to her side. “It’s not fun, pajarito. It’s work.” She spits the last word out like it’s the reason her eyes are tired. “Work that doesn’t do shit for us.”

“Mi’ja!” Avó exclaims, but mama is already pulling Raven out of Avó’s quarters. Raven turns and waves good-bye. Avó waves back, shaking her head at Raven's mama. It’s not the worst fight her mama and Avó have had. (Once they threw stuff, Raven had stayed at Finn’s the whole night in the small space under his bed.) Raven knows she’ll be back here tomorrow. Avó might take care of all the kids nowadays, but Raven is the only one she takes around and teaches to fix things. 

When they get back to their quarters her mama strips out of her work clothes, scrubs her face clean, and pulls out the gross smelling bottle from the cabinet too high for Raven to reach without climbing on a table. She pours herself a drink and lies back on her bed. Raven watches her because her mama is so beautiful even when she’s tired. Even when her eyes cloud over and she looks through Raven after taking her medicine. Her mama is even more beautiful than Avó, who Raven wants to be like more than anyone else. Her mama is even more beautiful than a moonrise. 

Raven wants to climb in bed with her and wrap her arms around her mama like Avó lets her do sometimes during nap time, but mama’s got her _I'm too tired_ face on and Raven knows better. She grabs the little screw driver Avó gave her and the radio she was teaching her to fix and goes to knock next door. 

Finn opens the door, he always does. Raven grins.

“Wanna see what Avó taught me today?”

Finn nods, smiling at her, tugging her outside. He wants to show her how he can fit in air vents. They use her screwdriver to pop one of them open and stay there, whispering to each other until they hear Finn’s mother call for him for dinner.

Raven’s mama doesn’t call for her and when she goes back into their quarters her mama’s heavy breathing tells her she’s been asleep for a while. Raven pads quietly and gently tugs the bottle out of her mama’s hands, curling her nose at the smell, and sets it on the table. She crawls into her bed after and spreads the pieces of the radio out on a dingy towel over her covers. 

She fixes the radio before she falls asleep. 

The next day Avó smiles at her and says, “Want see if you can do it again, bebê corvo?” She hands Raven another radio.

Raven smiles.

Raven knows she can.

-

The only thing that doesn't last on the Ark is people. 

(And air, but that Raven learns later.)

Raven’s older when she learns this.

\- 

Avó dies when Raven is nine. She was old, the of the oldest on the Ark at the time of her death, and at that point -- when you’re old enough, when you’re _too_ old -- the most the doctors are allowed to do is make you comfortable. 

It’s not fair, Raven thinks, crying fat tears as Finn holds her hand. He’s sad too, Avó looked after him too. Everyone who knew Avó is sad, but Raven feels like something is crushing her chest. Gravity that is too heavy pressing down on her. It’s not fair, she cries, letting Finn pull her into a hug because Avó was smart and she could fix everything and she loved Raven. She _loved_ Raven. And Raven loved her more. 

The funeral is hosted by the Tree. Mrs. Kane touches mama’s shoulder, but mama just shrugs her off. There’s a lot of people from Mecha. A few from the other stations. Avó was one of the oldest ex-zero g mechanics on the Ark. A lot of people knew her. A lot people loved her. She was a bit of legend to most. She was _avó_ to Raven.

Raven doesn’t think anyone loved her more than her and then she sees something she’s never seen before. 

Her mama was crying, a quiet stream of tears down her face. Mama even looks beautiful when she cries, Raven thinks, reaching up to touch her mama's face.

“Mama?”

“Vamonos, Raven.” She wipes her face and tugs Raven from the Tree. Mrs. Kane tries to call mama back, but mama keeps walking. That night when mama drinks it’s not like normal. It feels sadder like she’s want to forget Avó is dead. Raven huddles in her bunk and tries to fix the pressure regulator, trying to do the same. 

After Avó dies, mama starts taking her medicine more often and taking more of it. By the time Raven realise exactly what the medicine is just a couple months later it's too late and she learns what the word _addict_ means. 

-

On Earth everything is different. Everything feels harder.

Raven doesn't mind that, she's used to hard.

The air smells sweet and there’s so much colour. The gravity is weird. Heavier than the Ark, but not enough she loses her footing. (Not yet.) Earth is beautiful and harsh on her senses. She doesn’t miss the Ark, not really, there was nothing left for her there, but Earth isn’t easy and she misses— Mostly the technology. Misses her wiring, the feel of a wrench in her hand, working with nothing but the moon for company. When Finn is stabbed she _really_ missed the technology. When the radio is fritzing, and the bullets are duds, and Clarke and Bellamy are looking at her like they’re counting on her to be the best and Earth has made her feel anything but. 

She blames Finn for part of that, having shaken her foundation like he did, and then hates herself for the thought. Finn has loved her the longest and best (he could); it used to be her guiding star, and now it’s fizzled. A slowly dying star that's still burning out in her chest, because Finn has been all she's loved for so long. It makes Raven think of the Ark, slowly dying up in space. Had they not ended up on Earth they would have died up there. It pisses Raven off, but she doesn’t let the _if onlys_ enter her mind, she’s never been that person. There no point in it.

Things are the way they are. Some things are not equal.

Raven learned this young and hated it. She's always wanted more, she just didn't always know she deserved it too. 

\- 

On the Ark it was always her and Finn against the world. At least that's how it felt. They were always a team. She was always picked first and she always picked Finn. 

The first time they kiss just feels like an extension of that: 

Raven and Finn Against The World. 

"We aced that Earth Skills test," Finn grins, guiding her down the corridors of Argo where their Earth Skills takes place. He loves getting things right. Raven loves winning. They makes the best team. She's got the memory and hands, he's got the eyes and feet. Between them they've sneaked across more parts of the Ark that is strictly legal. 

"Of course we did, we're unbeatable!" Raven smiles, tugging on his arm. She's thought about this for weeks and it wasn't a plan to do it after the test, but they're both on a nice little buzz. Earth Skills level 3 is hard to ace. "Hey, Finn?"

"Yeah?"

She pulls them into a small corridor that leads nowhere. "Come here, I wanna try something."

Finn blinks but he's not stupid and when Raven leans in he there's, waiting for her. 

He pulls away, his smile growing, and then pecks her cheek and runs down the hall. Raven stands in shock for a second before laughing and calling after him. "Finn, get back here you idiot!"

It's not a perfect moment and the kiss was too short to be memorable, but Raven felt giddy all day after. And when she caught up with Finn he still looked at her like she was his best friend, which really, at the time mattered more.

-

There's what you can fix and what you can't.

Then there's what you fix when nobody else can.

This is what Raven has taught herself. 

-

Being a zero g mechanic gives her freedom, it lets her step outside the confines of the Ark and breathe. Ironic, she knows, but it's true. The first time she spacewalked she understood why Avó had loved it so much. There was nothing but her, the sound of her breath, the skill in her hands, and the black. Nothing mattered outside except how good she was at what she did, and boy, she was good. Growing up everyone always told her she had natural skill, that she was good, but Raven worked hard to be the best.

When she gets her certification; youngest in fifty-two years, youngest since Avó, Raven pushes Finn against the lonely wall of her quarters and tells him to fuck her. He does. It's sloppy and fast and she almost doesn't come. They've been sleeping together since Raven's fifteen birthday, almost one year ago, and they've learned everything they know on each other. 

Finn spills on her thigh, making her laugh, because even with the Ark administered birth control they don't ever take chances with that. He ducks down to suck hard on her clit since he beat her to the punch and the orgasm is good. It generally is, when he manages.

Knowing she's a zero g mechanic (the youngest in fifty-two years) is better. 

It's the first time they fuck after her mother's passed. 

Finn looks at her like he wants to ask her if she's okay after. A first time for everything, Raven thinks as she strips and lays down on the bed. She calls him over, teasing him about her half assed orgasm, and he doesn't ask. He jokes and pinches her thigh. He stays over. He does more and more lately, now that she's alone in her quarters.

Raven doesn't think about her mother and if she would have been proud of her. She doesn't think about Avó either. 

Raven's got no time for what ifs or would haves. She's got work tomorrow. When she wakes up Finn's still snoring. She doesn't wake him up, and pulls on the necklace that he left on the table last night. It's cool against her chest and she promises to herself she'll never take it off.

She fixes a broken thruster her first day and spins herself into the airlock, smiling.

-

She loves Finn. It's a phrase, it's a _truth_ that Raven's centered a good chunk of her life on. She loves Finn because Finn loves her. 

He's whispered it against her neck. He's laughed it holding her hand. He's _said_ it. 

She's said it too. It's harder for her to say even though she's heard it often enough. Her mother loved her she just wasn't very good about it. Avó loved her even though she didn't get to love Raven for long.

It's hard for Raven to say the words, but she has said them. She’s said them to Finn most of all. 

(Maybe it's why it feels like such a betrayal later. The words are precious and he threw hers away. He was supposed to know her better than that. He was supposed to love her better.)

He says them back and she believes him because the words are not a lie. That much she knows. That much she believes. He says them back after he breaks her heart and she still believes him, but it's never been the kind of love she needs or wants. 

In a way, the realisation is a worse crash landing than the one in the drop pod. She was ready for that one.

-

There's no anger at Clarke, there hasn't been from the second of _I didn't even know about you_. That had been a kick in the teeth, heart, and pride. She listens to Clarke try to explain _he thought…._ but doesn't care. He gave up on her. He didn't even wait. She would have waited. She _was_ waiting. She scraped together hours in the day she didn't have to go see him whenever she could. And what did it count for? Ten days on Earth and she was a blink in Finn's attention. It hurt, it fucking hurt, but she pushed past it, didn't she? Came out the other side and they were still friends. 

But she would have waited forever and that hurts the most. To know he wouldn't. He didn't.

Later, Raven thinks about how that's not surprising at all. Finn has never been the most patient. He always thinks of things, awesome fun things, but he never thinks things through. 

His spacewalk happened because he teased about joining her one day. She had laughed and told him to get certified, knowing he wouldn't, wanting in that abstract way for him to join her where she felt the freest and then—

He was an idiot and got caught. 

He could have died. 

He almost died on Earth.

Clarke got hurt by Finn too and then she was trying to make everything better for Finn and Raven. Then she was trying to save his life. Raven couldn't hate someone like that. Raven admires someone like that. 

So yeah, there's no anger at Clarke, but there had been anger and hurt. 

-

When Raven thinks of Lincoln she doesn't think in regrets. She did what she needed to do. She remembers seeing Clarke and Bellamy there, shocked at her actions, neither stopping her. Maybe that's when she started respecting them. She had already liked Clarke, thanks to Abby, thanks to her honesty, but she hadn't given another thought to Bellamy at all past the knife at his throat. 

But they stand there and don't stop her. Lincoln is bloody and a rock until she touches the wires to him. He flinches and angles his body away from her. 

She doesn't regret it when it's all over and Octavia has cut herself and everyone looks worn down to their bones. 

She sits with Finn after and doesn't ask for forgiveness. 

Clarke walks up to them, her eyes roaming over Finn with a mix of distance, hurt, and _what ifs_. She doesn't think Raven sees, or how Finn's eyes follow her. 

She swallows and smiles for Finn. No, she doesn't regret. 

There's no use for them. You can't change what's happened. Raven's known this for years.

-

What Raven also knows is that you don't give up. She's never been good at it anyway. She's not hardwired that way. She digs her heels in and cuts her knuckles and makes things work. She's fixed things that were deemed unfixable. She's made a radio of scrap pieces, built a pod from scratch, and a bomb out of a tin can. She doesn't know how to give up.

That's why it hurts so much when she realises she's been fighting for something that's gone. Not even broken, just gone. 

-

When she takes off her necklace and gives it back to Finn, it hurts like Avó hurt, like Mama hurt. It hurts but she wakes up the next day, washes the dried blood from the corner of her mouth, from under her nostrils, from the corner of her eyes and walks over to Monty. 

Raven likes Monty; he's quiet but he's smart in a way she understands. A tech head and a gear head don't have much disparity when the place they're living barely has wiring.

"Hey, look I wanna boost the power of the radio, see if we get anything. You game?"

Monty's head snaps up and he blinks up at her, rubbing his eyes. He didn't get sick, lucky bastard. She tucks her hands into her pockets and waits for him to finish waking up. 

"Uh yeah, what do you need?"

"I wanna strip those wrist bands, you still got some?"

Monty stumbles up, nodding. "Yeah, we got some left. I guess you're feeling better?"

"It's gonna take more than a little blood fever to keep me down," she grins. It doesn't feel as forced as she expected it to be. There are grounders trying to kill them and an Ark to save. 

Hurry up and save the world, right?

Raven swings her hair up in a new ponytail and sets herself down on the workbench. She hears the camp moving about around her. She hears Clarke direct the few that still straggle in the drop ship out because she has to disinfect it. She hears Bellamy call out about the guns. Monty hands her the old wristbands. Raven touches the smooth metal and thinks of Abby — "they're taking them off," she told Abby and Abby smiled — and sighs. Abby had been brave. Abby had believed in her. 

Raven doesn't like letting people down; it’s funny how they always let her down. 

But then again, nothing is ever equal. 

-

She always knew that she, everyone, deserves more than the scraps the Ark gave. She knows she deserves more than the paper thin love Finn crumpled. 

Nothing has ever been equal in her life, but she’s no longer settling for _less_.

-

She's not sure why she goes— no, that's a lie and Raven doesn't like lying to herself. She knows exactly why she goes to Bellamy. 

She thinks of the bite of his hand at her throat and the annoyance in his voice when she teases him. She thinks of him cornering in the tent earlier and convincing her to stay. He kind of played her, but he'd been right. He gave the pause to think of something else beside the bubbling hurt in her chest.

Maybe she needs again.

Thing is, that's exactly what she doesn't want. Not this time. 

She hadn't known where she was going earlier, she'd just been following the ache in her chest. She knows exactly what she wants and what she wants to do now.

She always used to put Finn first. Not anymore. 

This is for her.

-

She rolls Bellamy over on his back and pushes him down by his shoulder. His hands are wide and warm where they span her thighs and skim up her hips. His mouth is slick and bruised looking and she's sure hers is no better. He's not a bad kisser, she thinks, leaning down and tugging on his pants. She drags her nails in his hipbones and he hisses. He glares up at her and she wants to smirk, she wants to grin, cocky and sure. She doesn't. 

This isn't supposed to be fun. This is sex. No, this is a straight up fuck. 

Finn used to make her laugh during sex— and no, no, no she's won't think of him. Under her, Bellamy is lifting his thighs, almost tumbling her over, but she squeezes her legs around him and they manage to balance for a second longer, long enough to shove his boxers down. 

He's hard, but not as hard as he should be. Raven isn't insulted. She did kinda surprise him. Bellamy doesn't even seem to notice, he's palming her back and tugging her head back down to his. His mouth is warm and his breath is a little stale, but he kisses her hard; no romance, no finesse, just a unpracticed mess of a kiss. Lips, tongue and teeth. It's exactly what she wants. 

She pulls at his hair and rolls her hips against his. Reaching between them she starts to stroke him. He groans and she feels him get harder in her hand. He bites at her mouth and the hand in her hair clenches. His other hand, down on her ass, squeezes and oh— well, surprise surprise she's more turned on than she thought she'd be. But there's something nice about this, this messy unfamiliar fucking, and Bellamy isn't all that bad. 

He doesn't know her body, doesn't know she hardly ever comes like this, doesn't know she needs fingers and usually a mouth wet and licking at folds and clit. He doesn't know he's gripping her a little too tight, that she can already feel the bruises his fingers will leave on the curve of her hips. He doesn't know she's better at him at sex. And Raven loves he doesn't know all these things. 

Twisting her wrist, she gasps against his moan. His hips twitch up and his eyes snap open. 

"Fucking hell, Raven."

"Not so fast, shooter."

He nips at her chin in retaliation. She doesn't smile, but her lips twitch.

She lets go of him and reaches down to finger herself. Bellamy blinks and then gets with the program. His fingers follow hers, mimic hers, and thank god he's not an idiot. They start a broken grind of their hips as he leans up and mouths at her neck.

He doesn't quite get her rhythm, but he's good enough. His fingers are thick, thicker than hers, so she lets her fall to his wrist, holding him against her, showing _exactly_ how she wants it. He doesn't even need promoting to flick her clit and fuck yes, she's might even get an orgasm out of this. 

Shoving him back down to the bed, she snorts at the headboard he built and raises herself up to her knees to shove her underwear aside. His boxers are by his knees and his grimy blanket is bunched on her legs. 

For a second they stop and look at each other. The sexual energy lessens for a second and Raven thinks that he's about to say something stupid like _are you sure?_ because no, Bellamy isn't the guy the to talk her out of doing something stupid (like him) but he's not complete asshole. She's fairly sure if she walked out on him right now he'd be frustrated as hell but let her walk and say nothing about it. Maybe that's why she picked him. 

And that's exactly why she shakes her head and stops whatever what was coming out of his mouth. He strokes himself instead and then she's sliding down his cock and it's— 

He doesn't give her a second before snapping his hips up, a little too fast, he's definitely not as practiced as she's heard, but it feels good. His legs tangle on the blanket and she grips his shoulders too tightly, making him hiss and curse at her. But it's good enough and every other thrust his pelvic bone catches her clit just right. 

They're breathing is out of sync when he lifts himself up to mouth at her neck and she tugs his head back to kiss him. 

He's actually a very good kisser. She's not planning to ever do this again, but kissing is a good foundation to have.

He licks into her mouth with more finesse than he fucks his cock in her, but it's all good (enough). 

When his thrusts start coming in harder, faster, she figures he's closer than her. For a second Raven doesn't think she's not going to get that orgasm after all, but then Bellamy surprises and reaches between them. He pinches her clit just a little too softly, but it does the job.

It's not the best orgasm she's ever had, a sharp, flash of climax that dissipates as fast as it comes. She's almost breathless out of the strange short shock of it. Like she swallowed water wrong and is choking on the air a little.

Bellamy comes not long after. She gasps at him not to come in her (it shouldn't matter, her birth control is still valid, but) and he pulls out, spilling over their stomachs. Mostly his, thank god.

They fall to the bed and Raven wants to be somewhere else before she even hits the pillow. 

It's not Bellamy, it's not even really the sex. It was better than expected. It's— 

Bellamy asks if it helped and all she can think of is:

"No."

_But it didn't hurt._

-

The last time she had sex with Finn it had hurt. 

Not physically, but her heart had been hurting and she'd been trying to hide it.

When she leaves Bellamy she goes to the wash tent to wipe at her stomach and splash water on her face. Her mouth feels tender and so do her thighs. 

She tucks her head under the spout, gulps some water, and spits it out. 

No, it didn't hurt, but she wished she felt better about everything. She can still feel the weight of Bellamy's hands on her hips. She's too aware of her skin and just how and where he touched her. She's not sure she want this new awareness.

She wants to go back and tell Bellamy thanks. She's not even sure why, but it feels he just helped her get something back. She doesn't feel better, but she feels more level. 

If anything he helped her feel good and in control even it was for only second. A second longer than she had before.

-

It doesn't last long, that feeling. Everything snowballs into Clarke-Finn-Missing-Murphy-Asshole-Fucker-Killer-Jasper-Bellamy-Hurry Up and Save The Day Raven and then…

There's the sting of something in her hip and a yell nobody hears. 

Dragging herself out of the dropship she sees Bellamy run towards her. Finn right by him. (He's back, and Clarke is right there with him. There's relief, but mostly there's pain.) Finn reaches her first and it's familiar to fall into his arm, but Finn has dropped her before and Bellamy hasn't. (Not yet, anyway.) It's irrational to want to tell Finn to let go of her. It's completely irrational when she's just been _shot_ , but for a second she thinks it. 

-

On the Ark, Raven never felt second to anyone.

Earth has been a lesson in that way. Earth has kicked her in teeth, heart, and spirit. 

Raven thought she had learned all the hard lesson life could throw at her. Earth has shown her that on Earth all the rules change. Raven has been never been one for rules. She's always made her own.

Earth has also been a lesson in knowing that no matter comes her way she'll fucking kick back.

She wants to pass out when Clarke puts the hot knife to her. She doesn’t. There’s still a day to save. She kicks back against the pain, the numbness in her legs, and the blurring of her vision until she can’t anymore. 

-

When Raven opens hers eyes for a half a second she thinks she’s died. The last thing she remembers is the floor of the dropship, Clarke's voice drifting up from the floor, Bellamy's voice rallying them on the radio. She had struggled to stay up because they needed her and then the black came.

Now everything is white, so white. 

There’s so much white her eyes hurt and she think this must be what heaven looks like, and then she wakes up. The details of where she is fill in quickly, the four walls, the IV bags attached to her arm, the framed -- she squints -- text on the wall. The door on the other side of the room with the view hole. 

This is no heaven, Raven thinks, and tries to get up.

No, this isn’t heaven at all. Her legs don’t move as she tries to shift on the bed and she wants to scream. Setting her jaw, she clutches at her sheets -- at least the mattress is comfortable -- and pulls herself up into a sitting position. She grabs at the IV pole. The metal is cool under hands and she tugs it closer to her. There’s a couple bags hanging on it. She tugs it closers, follows the tubing to where it’s attached to her arm. She thinks about pulling it out, but eyes the bags. Saline, she reads. Morphine, she reads. She swallows. At least that explains why her back doesn’t hurt as much as before. 

She thinks of her mother and wants to rip the IV line out. 

That's when her eyes catch the chair sitting empty near to her bed. It's got wheels. Raven bites her lips so hard she thinks it might start to bleed. Wheelchairs are something you learn about in Earth History. There are no wheelchairs on the Ark. Most accidents that cause paralysis would kill you, not to mention if you can't walk you usually can't work. 

She keeps the IV line in. 

Shifting higher on the bed, she grits her teeth. She wants to _move_. She wants to bang her fist on that door and demand where she is. Where everyone else is! There has to be--

The black dome on the roof catches her eyes. Raven grins. Someone is watching. 

She can work with that. She grabs at the chair and fuck fuck fuck— her arms burn and there's sweat on her temple by the time she settles in the chair. 

It only takes her an hour to override the door lock. Did no one tell these people wires are kind of her thing?

It takes two minutes for someone to herd her back into her room, gun pointed at her face. They're dressed all in some blue suit that completely covers them. The goggles would make her think of Jasper, except for the mouth piece. 

"Back to your bed, Ms. Reyes," they say, voice distorted by the mask. Raven doesn't like how they know her name. Her first instinct is to strike out and run, but she can't. She grits her teeth and tightens her hands on the edges of the wheels. She doesn't like anything about this place. It's creepy as fuck. Still, she wheels herself back. 

"Tell me where I am."

Behind the man with the gun another person comes in. They're dressed head to toe in a white suit. Like doctors, but no, nothing like doctors. Clarke and Abby don't look at people like they're lab rats. Clarke. Bellamy. Finn.

"Tell me where Clarke is. Tell me where Bellamy is."

The new person steps forward. Raven can see cloudy blue eyes stare from behind their protective glasses. 

"You are not the first to ask for Ms. Griffin or Mr. Blake. We are sorry to tell you that Mr. Blake is not with us."

Raven tries not to show what the words do to her, how they make her stomach turn to lead, and her lungs feel too small. A flash of Bellamy's hands on her legs, gripping as she rode him comes to mind, followed by the image of her knife to his throat, his exasperation when she tried to leave. It can mean anything, Raven tells herself. It can mean anything. 

"I want to talk to Clarke." She makes her voice hard. The person in white, a woman, by the voice, tilts her head at Raven. It makes her bristle. She's no one's lab rat. She's no ones prisoner. 

"Now Ms. Reyes, you should really head back to bed, your injury is very delicate and needs an operation. If you would allow us—" She moves forward and pulls out a syringe. Raven wheels herself back and grabs at her IV pole and swings at them. The man with the gun blocks her and grabs her. Raven wants to kick back and hates that she can't. She fucking hates Earth. Hates whatever this place. Hates this man, hates this woman. 

"Get the fuck off of me. You either bring Clarke Griffin to me right now or you'll see how fast I get that door open. Again." She leans herself back in the chair. The woman pushes the syringe into Raven's neck.

Her last thought before she fade is:

She hates this place.

-

When Clarke is lead into the room, she stops for a second like she can’t believe what she’s seeing and rushes to Raven’s side. Her arms tighten around Raven’s shoulders and Raven clings back. Clarke pulls away and sits by Raven’s side. They’re hip to hip and Clarke’s hands hover by Raven’s side. 

“Can I?”

Raven nods. She wants to know what Clarke thinks and she doesn’t trust what these people have told her about her injury. 

Raven leans forward and let’s Clarke pull at her shirt. She’s muttering to herself like she does when she’s taking care of someone. Medical terms spill from her mouth like mini lessons she’s got memorised and trying to find the right lesson to apply. It’s kinda cute, soothing even. It’s when Clarke is silent that Raven worries. She feels Clarke’s cool fingers at her back, prodding gently and then there’s nothing and Clarke hasn’t moved back. She must still be looking over Raven but Raven can’t feel it. She shuts her eyes and forces tears back. She will not cry in this place. She will not. 

“Clarke?”

“There’s been no incision.” Relief is the only thing Raven feels. Clarke moves back and eyes the IV bags that still lead into Raven’s arm. “They must have given you something to slow the internal bleeding, but they haven’t performed any surgery.” She looks at Raven and her face lets her know that they’ll need to do that soon. “You in any pain?” 

Raven shakes her head and leans her side against Clarke’s for a second. “I’m good. Volando.” The word make Clarke snort. Raven grins. “So, what happened?”

Something flashes across Clarke’s face that Raven never wants to see again. She smiles though, small, sad. Raven touches Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke?”

“Raven, it worked.”

Raven feels a flush of pride. “Of course it did-- Clarke?” That look is back, quick, but Raven still catches it.

Clarke looks away for a second and the meets Raven’s eyes. There’s a pressure that drops on her chest and Raven knows she doesn’t want to hear what Clarke’s next words are. 

“Raven, Bellamy and Finn weren’t-- they didn’t make it inside before we blasted off. They’re… d-- not here. Neither is Octavia.” 

Raven hates being right. The pressure on her chest becomes crushing and she pushes away from Clarke’s arm. Clarke looks hurt at the sudden, sharp action, but she moves away from her perch on the bed and stands. She shifts on her feet. She looks all of her seventeen years. (How are any of them teenagers anymore with all they have done?)

Clarke has no poker face. She’s tough and keeps herself together, both qualities Raven admires in her, but her face, her eyes, they always give her away. Raven can read them easily; it’s all guilt and pain. 

“I’m sorry, Raven, I waited until--” her voice breaks, and she clears her throat. She straightened her shoulders and her eyes flit behind her. Raven’s been ignoring the people around them since Clarke entered the room, but Clarke’s actions are a sharp reminder that they are very much not alone.

Clarke also hates showing her vulnerabilities even though she carries them so openly. 

Raven nods, “I know you did.” She wants to stands and shove at Clarke, yell and cry and blame her (like with Finn, like before), but she knows she can’t. Not now, maybe not even later, because she’s come to know Clarke and Clarke would have waited until she couldn’t wait anymore. Raven has never had to make a choice like that, even the Bridge wasn’t the same, and she hopes she never has to. 

Because she wants to yell at Clarke, because she wants to cry, because worst of all she _understands_ , she reaches out and takes Clarke’s hand. She afraid she might have made the same choice, she more afraid she wouldn't have. 

Clarke grips her hand tight. Raven looks behind her and stares at these Mountain Men in their too white clothes.

“What now?”

Clarke eyes their spectators and sets her jaw. 

“Now we get that bullet of out your spine.”

Later, she and Clarke will have a lot of things to talk about, but right now… Right now, they have other things to worry about and most of them make up this room they’re trapped in.

“That sounds like fucking excellent plan, princess.”

-

Raven looks at the people around them. "I'll let you operate on me."

"Excellent, Ms. Reyes."

"Only if Clarke is the operating room—"

"And only local anaesthesia so she knows I'm there during the procedure."

She and Clarke look at each other and nod. 

"Ms. Griffin, Ms. Reyes."

Clarke stands and moves in front Raven. 

"No, you don't understand, you either do this or you won't get my cooperation. And if I don't cooperate neither will any of the others. You said you wanted to work with us, that you aren't looking to make enemies of us. Well, this is what I require. I need Raven and if Raven wants me in that operating room then she's getting me in that room."

"Ms. Griffin."

"Your population is getting weaker, dying out, isn't it?"

It makes the woman talking to them pause. 

"A facility like this? This small, cut off from the world for almost a 100 years? Never mingling with the Grounders outside? Only so many generations can continue without eventual intermingling. You want to see how the leftover radiation in the environment has affected us to see we're different from the Grounders. On the Ark we've been as isolated as you. We're the closest you have to previously unaffected biological subjects. You want your people to live but you're too scared of the outside to try and do it yourselves so you want to see how we've been affected." 

As Clarke talks Raven sees her spine get straighter and tougher. Clarke, in the short time Raven's known her, has given a few speeches to rally the camp, but she's always had Bellamy by her side. It looks odd seeing stand in front of Raven alone. 

She's not a natural speaker like Bellamy is. Was. _Is._ Her words come out strong, but she lacks the smoothness, the innate charisma Bellamy has. But these people in front of them didn't know Bellamy, and Clarke's stiff chin and cool words are making them listen. Clarke knows how to make people listen if anything. Stubborn, annoying princess. She thinks Abby would be proud of her.

"You want us to be your lab rats? You want my—our cooperation, you're going to give Raven her surgery and I'm going to be there talking her through every thing you're doing."

There's a heavy pause after Clarke finishes. Raven can see Clarke's hand fist minutely at her sides and stops herself from grabbing it. 

She looks between Clarke and the doctors. For second there's the very real fear that they didn't buy the bullshit that Clarke just said, because as right as she might be, they're still all just a bunch of kids and at the end of the day they're all just scared shitless. 

Raven knows all about being scared shitless and still setting her chin and pushing through. She's been doing it since she blasted off from the Ark. 

"Very well, Ms. Griffin. Ms. Reyes, we'll be prepping you for surgery as soon as possible. With your injury we cannot wait any more than a day."

Raven slides her gaze at Clarke. 

"Let's go."

-

Two days later Clarke says the same words to Raven, holding her against her side. Raven's legs are weak and Clarke's mouth is grim line of determination. 

Once they get Monty and the others out, Raven is held between between him and Jasper. The escape is a mess and they have to jump into the river to get away. Water gets up her nose and she half swims and is half dragged onto shore. 

The sun is too bright and her back hurts and she thinks that nothing is fair. 

But she's alive and she can hear Clarke yelling and then Raven feels herself being pulled up. She can't fucking wait until her legs start cooperation with—

Bellamy's face is bruised and cut up and he's yelling at Clarke to hurry it up, he's got Raven, and holy shit that's Kane and Abby. Raven's head swivels to Clarke who somehow looks too clean and too bloody all at once. Her eyes are wide with shock, and then she's pushing past her mother's arm and tells Bellamy to be careful with Raven's stitches. 

-

"So you're alive," she says, wincing as they walk back to the Ark camp. Raven can see the tight line of Clarke's shoulder up with Abby, the both of them had spent a good ten minutes going over Raven's injury the first break they got. Now they're walking together, tense and if she didn't know better she’d never guess they were mother and daughter. 

Bellamy snorts. His hand is gripping her waist tightly. She can walk, slow and stumbling, but she needs to work her muscles. 

"Despite your best attempts to barbecue us."

Raven shakes her head. "I didn't even do it. Jasper had to."

Bellamy looks at her and swallows whatever his first response was. He sighs. 

"You know, Reyes, I never pegged you for self esteem issues. You know we couldn't have pulled that shit off without you."

She shrugs. She's tired. She's in pain. She's good but Earth keeps kicking her ass.

"I didn't take you for a self help guru."

Bellamy snorts a fuck you at her.

They walk a few more paces in silence. 

"You and the princess make a dangerous team, you know."

Raven slides her eyes to him, cocking her eyebrow.

"The whole camp burned up. All the Grounders did too. You're a dangerous woman, Raven."

"Thanks?"

Bellamy shifts and the action shifts her. Their hips bump and she winces. He adjusts his grip on her. She almost wants to ask why he doesn't let Finn help him or Miller, but to be honest she rather him than anyone else right now. He doesn't see her injury, he sees a ring of fire and dead grounders. It's better than the worry and pity and guilt she sees in Finn's eyes.

"All I'm saying, you're still walking and talking, you're not down and out yet."

It takes Raven a second to respond, but when she does her voice is sure. 

"I know."

-

She does, too. She really does. Earth lessons are different from Ark lessons, but at the core they're just as unfair.

Nothing was equal on the Ark. Nothing is given on Earth. 

You have to fight to survive.

Raven's been a fighter all her life.


End file.
